i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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