the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
