I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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