i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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