You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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