Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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