I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
