yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
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you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
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As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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