She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
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easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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