Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The feeling are messing with the penis
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
