the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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