That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
