how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
