If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dignity is for republicans.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
