I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
