I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
