you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
