Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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