Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
