Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
