Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
