happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
