omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
