Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
