paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This girl is more easily done than said...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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