remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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