i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
