It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
