I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We are all done wearing pants today
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
