Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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