We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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