i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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