Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
