hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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