Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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