pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
