Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
