she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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