You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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