You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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