there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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