So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
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bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
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Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize