Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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