i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
