I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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