Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
