just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
