someone threw a dead crab at me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
