We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
