I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize