You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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