What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
