i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
