I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
