hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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