neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
