I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
