so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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