I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize