Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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