Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
