the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Can you bring me the toilet please
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
