Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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