Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
