omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize