I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
