Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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