Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
