everyone is single if you try hard enough
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
