i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
