I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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