He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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