I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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