just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
