fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
