Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize