The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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