Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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