i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
