if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
