Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
