I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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